Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to give away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign "FREE KITTENS" next to them. Suddenly a big line of big black cars came up with a policeman on a motorcycle in front. The cars all stopped and a tall man stepped out from the biggest car. "Hi, little girl, what do you have there in the box?" he asked. "Kittens" Little Suzy says. "They're so small, their eyes are not even open yet." "What kind of kittens are they?" he asked.
"DEMOCRATS" says Little Suzy. The tall man smiled, returned to his car and they drove away. Sensing a good photo opportunity, Barack Hussein Obama called his campaign manager and told him about the little girl and the kittens. It was planned that they would return the next day, have all the media there and tell everyone about these great kittens. The next day, Little Suzy is standing out on the corner with her box of kittens with the "FREE KITTENS" sign and the big motorcade of black cars pulled up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN. Everyone had their cameras ready and then, Barack Hussein Obama got out of his limo and walked up to Little Suzy. "Now, don't be frightened," he said, "I just want you to tell all these nice news people just what kind of kittens you're giving away today." "Yes sir," Suzy said, "They are all "REPUBLICAN" kittens." Taken by surprise, Obama said, "But yesterday, you told me that they were DEMOCRATS."
Little Suzy says, "Yes, I know. But today, they have their eyes open."
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Some Medical Humor...
So, I've arrived.. Muwahahahaha. Blog number... who knows?
Anyway.. here is a link to the drug song. It's quite funny though there are a few.. not so nice words..
http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/medic/fitness/tracks/The%20Drugs%20Song.mp3
Also.. here is a song called. "Snippets" it's very morbid medical humor.. and of course the language belongs in a english pub, where these songs are sung by two doctors. >.> In others words.. it's offensively funny... in a good way?
http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/medic/fitness/tracks/Snippets.mp3
Anywho, hope you are all doing well, love you muchly.
~me
Anyway.. here is a link to the drug song. It's quite funny though there are a few.. not so nice words..
http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/medic/fitness/tracks/The%20Drugs%20Song.mp3
Also.. here is a song called. "Snippets" it's very morbid medical humor.. and of course the language belongs in a english pub, where these songs are sung by two doctors. >.> In others words.. it's offensively funny... in a good way?
http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/medic/fitness/tracks/Snippets.mp3
Anywho, hope you are all doing well, love you muchly.
~me
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Officer Notes
A local cop stops a man for running a red light The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer. The violator demands to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The "Motorist" instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms. The officer, being a
professional, takes it all in stride, figuring "Battleship mouth and Rowboat Ass".
The tirade goes on without the cop saying anything.
When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the ticket. He then hands it to the "Violator" The guy reads the ticket angrily, points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for. The officer then removes his sunglasses , gets in the middle of the guy's face and says , "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember you're an A**hole!"
A month later they are in court. The "Violator" has such a bad record he is about to lose his license and has hired an attorney to represent him. On the
stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile
of the ticket you issued my client?"
Officer responds, "Yes sir, this is the defendants copy, same number at the bottom as the original."
Attorney: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"
Officer: "Yes sir, in the lower right corner of the ticket there is an 'AH', underlined."
Attorney: "What does the 'AH' stand for, Officer?"
Officer: "Aggressive and Hostile, Sir."
Attorney: "Aggressive and Hostile?"
Officer: "Yes Sir."
Attorney: "Officer,,,, Are you sure it doesn't stand for A**hole?"
Officer: "Well Sir, You know your client better than I do!"
(again taken from GlockTalk)
professional, takes it all in stride, figuring "Battleship mouth and Rowboat Ass".
The tirade goes on without the cop saying anything.
When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the ticket. He then hands it to the "Violator" The guy reads the ticket angrily, points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for. The officer then removes his sunglasses , gets in the middle of the guy's face and says , "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember you're an A**hole!"
A month later they are in court. The "Violator" has such a bad record he is about to lose his license and has hired an attorney to represent him. On the
stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile
of the ticket you issued my client?"
Officer responds, "Yes sir, this is the defendants copy, same number at the bottom as the original."
Attorney: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"
Officer: "Yes sir, in the lower right corner of the ticket there is an 'AH', underlined."
Attorney: "What does the 'AH' stand for, Officer?"
Officer: "Aggressive and Hostile, Sir."
Attorney: "Aggressive and Hostile?"
Officer: "Yes Sir."
Attorney: "Officer,,,, Are you sure it doesn't stand for A**hole?"
Officer: "Well Sir, You know your client better than I do!"
(again taken from GlockTalk)
Monday, March 24, 2008
Chainsaw and the mom
Sophie and I just made it home by the skin of our teeth. It started to rain and snow at the same time and the wind was nasty. I was really cold. The walk did not help Soph at all. She was acting like the horses do in cold weather. Bad. But we made it home. Chainsaw was in the back yard.So...you know how you have to do...... put Soph on the deck and close the gate, ......let Chain out the fence gate( with out getting electrocuted ) ect,ect,ect, Well the next door neighbor puts a Shepard out that has never been there before. It's raining and snowing and the wind is nasty. So soph goes nuts!!! And Chain decides she wants to go for a run!!! No joke- a run. She can fly , when I'm chasing her. in the snow and wind and rain. A white hair old woman and a black and white hair old dog.. She can't hear me calling her name. But all the neighbors did. We could of had 10,000 dollars if we had a camera!!! Needless to say , we are not speaking at the moment. I love yal, Think I'll go see if I have any wine. love to all.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
More Funny Crook News
2 boys allegedly try to rob police station
By PAUL QUINLAN
Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
Friday, March 14, 2008
PORT ST. LUCIE — Police arrested two boys, ages 12 and 14, accused of attempting to rob a police station while one pretended to hold a gun under his coat.
A half-dozen officers poured into the lobby within minutes, arresting both boys on charges of attempted armed robbery, police spokesman Rob Vega said.
The 14-year-old also was charged with violating his probation.
Both were booked at the St. Lucie Regional Juvenile Detention Center.
The boys walked into the lobby of the Port St. Lucie Police Department's western regional station about 4:30 p.m. Wednesday and demanded money, Vega said.
Tucking one hand inside his jacket as though he held a gun, the 12-year-old picked up a telephone handset and ordered one of two aides working behind a bulletproof glass enclosure to put up her hands and give him all of her money, Vega said.
Surveillance video captured the episode, including the 14-year-old's brief chuckle as his accomplice made his demands.
The 14-year-old then disappeared into the lobby bathroom as the 12-year-old paced around, pointing first at his eyes, then at the second aide, as if to say, "I'm watching you," Vega said.
The first aide hung up the handset and ran out of the lobby booth, screaming for help.
Police officers, who had just finished defensive tactics training, streamed into the lobby, encircling the boys. One had his gun drawn.
The boys laughed as police arrested them, said Vega, who called the stunt a "really dumb move."
"They didn't show any signs of remorse whatsoever," he said. "To them, the entire incident was a big joke."
(taken from GlockTalk website, where somebody got it from http://www.palmbeachpost.com/treasur...ckup_0314.html)
By PAUL QUINLAN
Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
Friday, March 14, 2008
PORT ST. LUCIE — Police arrested two boys, ages 12 and 14, accused of attempting to rob a police station while one pretended to hold a gun under his coat.
A half-dozen officers poured into the lobby within minutes, arresting both boys on charges of attempted armed robbery, police spokesman Rob Vega said.
The 14-year-old also was charged with violating his probation.
Both were booked at the St. Lucie Regional Juvenile Detention Center.
The boys walked into the lobby of the Port St. Lucie Police Department's western regional station about 4:30 p.m. Wednesday and demanded money, Vega said.
Tucking one hand inside his jacket as though he held a gun, the 12-year-old picked up a telephone handset and ordered one of two aides working behind a bulletproof glass enclosure to put up her hands and give him all of her money, Vega said.
Surveillance video captured the episode, including the 14-year-old's brief chuckle as his accomplice made his demands.
The 14-year-old then disappeared into the lobby bathroom as the 12-year-old paced around, pointing first at his eyes, then at the second aide, as if to say, "I'm watching you," Vega said.
The first aide hung up the handset and ran out of the lobby booth, screaming for help.
Police officers, who had just finished defensive tactics training, streamed into the lobby, encircling the boys. One had his gun drawn.
The boys laughed as police arrested them, said Vega, who called the stunt a "really dumb move."
"They didn't show any signs of remorse whatsoever," he said. "To them, the entire incident was a big joke."
(taken from GlockTalk website, where somebody got it from http://www.palmbeachpost.com/treasur...ckup_0314.html)
Friday, March 14, 2008
Just who is working in highway construction crews these days?
Phil and I saw this sign in Cary a while ago. I got one of the biggest laughs of my life out of this sign. I think one thought can sum it up: Only in North Carolina!
P.S. For those of you who do not see what is wrong with this picture, just realize that means either you were born in North Carolina or you've been here too long!
P.P.S Happy PI Day!!!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
I lauged so hard I almost wrecked!!!
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....
If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said,
'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted
If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said,
'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted
Quote of the Week
Upon reviewing a patient's History and Physical from this admission, this is what he said to the doctors about the reason he came to the Emergency Department:
"I feel like I was shot at and missed, s**t at and HIT!!!"
Don't we all feel like that sometimes? I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants!! Just the mental image alone causes tears to come to my eyes.
Thought you guys would appreciate the humor.
"I feel like I was shot at and missed, s**t at and HIT!!!"
Don't we all feel like that sometimes? I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants!! Just the mental image alone causes tears to come to my eyes.
Thought you guys would appreciate the humor.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Speeding
Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, Northeast of Marine Corps Air Station, Miramar, near San Diego.
One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching near the crest of a hill.
The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked onto a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.
Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander.
Back came a reply in true USMC style:
"Thank you for the message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident.
You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it.
Furthermore, an air to ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment.
Fortunately the Marine pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, and quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar was destroyed.
Thank you for your concerns."
(pulled off of a Cop forum that I read)
Friday, March 7, 2008
More from the FAVORITE gross one
I thought we could meet, sleep, and eat once or twice a year at the same spot(or different spots each time)!!! Everyone gets their own Condo--hey, we could even take it to Hilton Head!!! Not sure if the bathtub is as nice as where Sue and Phil stayed, I'll get the realtor to get me a pic. We have to get a sign saying "the North Carolinians of West Virginia"!!! or "The West Virginains of North Carolina"!!! ??? Don't forget your tank tops--we can all match (depending on where the skids are!!!)(Bet we could make a pretty penny if we sold it to them there forners invadin Hilton Head, bet they could get at least 10 families to fit, if not more).
It's easier to laugh than cry.........
I can't decide if it would be safer on the top, middle, or bottom?!!!!
Look at my profile!!!
Hello. This is my virgin voyage to blogging(who came up with that word anyway? What exactly does it mean?). I hope everyone is well. I miss you all. Isn't that weird, we spend half our life trying to get as far away from each other as we can and then.... we chase after each other just for mushy (nannan's favorite word)!!!! It is kinda gross!!! I say we all go down the Creeper when it gets warmer, in THESE!!! (one a piece please!!) I call dibs on the one out of the newly opened package!!! The rest of you can fight over the skid marks (you get to cut 'em out anyway)!! Thought I would share the FLAVOR of my life with you all!!!
Love, hugs, prayers.........ann
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